The Carrot or the Stick Approach
It is unfortunately very common for men to experience performance anxiety or the fear that they may not be able to have an erection when the time is right. To address these anxieties they often opt to medicalize and chemically trick their uncooperative member into an erection via pharmaceutical drugs like Viagra. In the not too distant past, these drugs were only marketed for aging over-the-hill men who could no longer get it up. In contrast, nowadays it has become routine for “every Tom Dick and Harry” regardless of their age to pop these little blue pills promising to boost any man’s confidence in the said department. However, this frivolous widespread use of erectile dysfunction pills can be likened to sprinkling icing sugar on top of a chocolate cake that is made of sticky tar. This analogy speaks to the fact that when the core of something is rotten it will not be palatable even with a sprinkle of an enticing topping. The person doing the pill popping is bypassing a golden opportunity for emotional and spiritual growth and is deluding themselves that some icing sugar or a tiny blue pill will set them straight. The good news is that there is a DIY alternative to Big Pharma’s misleading bandaid dick solutions. The alternative is a ‘know thyself’ inner transformation process which can reverse the demeanor of a stiff necked penis that does not wish to cooperate and caves in to performance pressure.
Let’s take a closer look at the workings of this process. The mental landscape of a typical man consists of the critical voice of an inner judge. This voice incessantly threatens him with a stick that failure to perform in bed will have his mugshot hung on display at the Penis Hall of Shame. Needless to say, most men would equate this punishment with no less than a beheading on a guillotine. The majority of men enter bedroom intimacy with the daunting shadows of their inner judge.
Sadly, the negative inner dialogue becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The inner judge is an ego fragment that is a part of an outdated internal defense mechanism system that was needed at some point in the past for survival. This system operates on fear of rejection and abandonment. As a general rule fear creates tension in the physical body. Whenever there is tension there is also an emotional, spiritual, physical and energetic contraction. In other words, because of fear, conscious or unconscious, this man is functioning in survival mode of fight, flight or freeze. His physical organism is operating under the belief that he is being chased by a tiger. Inside of his head he is running for his life. Who can blame him for not getting hard when his system believes he is being chased by a tiger? When the entire organism is hyperfocused on survival due to the presence of fear an erection makes no sense physiologically. All physiological functions and energy are by design diverted towards one primary goal which is the survival of the organism. The tiger in this analogy stands for his inner critic or judge that is chasing him with a stick ready to ‘cock’ shame him as a means of punishment. The inner critic’s penalizing stick is a tool used to incentivize him into an Oscar worthy bedroom performance. But, Alas, it is obvious that this story does not end well. Tragically, this poor man becomes the victim of his own inner villain: his ego. Agonizingly, he loses to the tiger who devours his flesh and abandons him defeated and flaccid to languish on his own lovelessness. His erection was the prey, his inner judge the predator. It is clear as daylight that this type of ecosystem is not ideal for love-making.
Feeling caught in this predatory vicious cycle this man turns to pharmaceuticals to resolve his inner battle. As always, Western quick-fix culture has just the right bandaid for this anxious man. However, the bandaid in the form of drugs unbeknownst to him exacerbates the wound or his unconscious war with himself. These meds function as a stick in and of themselves. Big Pharma is all too happy to offer him a mightier stick to beat his inner critic into submission by use of force or synthetic chemicals. According to the basic laws of physics no energy can ever be created nor destroyed. The inner judge which is a part of his ego structure which has now been artificially silenced remains unresolved in his psyche or inner world. The man has not made peace with this part of himself. Rather, he is repressing this part of himself as he becomes dependent on a drug so he can show up as a ‘man’ in the bedroom.
Big Pharma’s dick bandaid does not heal him from his inner war but rather offers him a bigger stick so he can war better with his ego. There are serious repercussions to this emotional and spiritual war. This man has given up all agency, sovereignty and mastery over his physical, emotional and spiritual energy. He is weak and reliant on a mass produced magic bullet or little blue suckers to fix his inner fragmentation. He lacks all consciousness and is not willing or ready to claim his divine masculine power embodied in the Eastern archetype of Lord Shiva and take responsibility for his inner healing and integration. He is too weak to slay his own demons and hands his power away to the matrix.
Alternatively, if he were willing to tantrically engage he would step into an entirely different timeline or trajectory of self healing and expansion of his consciousness. Tantra at its core is about expansion of consciousness. It would mark a radical shift to a make love not war paradigm. The first step on this new path is for him to acknowledge that the trick lies not in popping a pill but rather in meeting and knowing thyself. This meeting entails getting to know himself and all of his ego fragments including his inner critic. When welcomed the inner critic comes out of the shadows and into the light for a proper acquaintance. This fragment is a frightened part of himself. It holds an old fear of rejection and abandonment which dates back to childhood. Consciously bringing softness and self-love to this protector fragment has the potential to catalyze deep spiritual and emotional transformation. The inner critic as it is met with self love learns to alchemize dense emotions and slowly opens up to trust the grown up or the man. Gradually, this ego fragment will agree to de-armor by laying his stick down. He will come to accept that he is no longer needed in the front lines for protection and instead build a relationship of mutual trust with his man who is now capable of protecting himself and his emotions.
This ego part is his inner wounded child who is fearful of rejection. This energy of fear in him is waiting to be acknowledged and not repressed with a toxic brew of synthetic molecules. Harmony and self-love is the carrot incentivizing intimacy in his life rather than fear. He is healing and reuniting with exiled parts of himself such as shame or protector parts like his inner judge. The softness of expanded conscious love relaxes and resets his nervous system. The scary tiger fades into the background and the body enters the parasympathetic state of rest and digest. This expanded relaxed state sends signals to the penis to listen and respond to sexual stimulation naturally. Relaxation increases blood flow into the muscles which leads into an erection. Pharmaceuticals such as Viagra also work in the same fashion. They chemically relax the muscles to allow for increased blood flow into erectile tissue to enable an erection. The same relaxation process is possible without a chemical concoction. Bringing love to the shadowy parts of the self and softening into the heart chakra works magically to erect the genitals.
It may seem counterintuitive that getting soft emotionally leads to getting hard physically. However, such is the duality of the yin and yang as the two complimentary forces work to balance seemingly opposite energies. Therefore, a hard emotional ego stick according to this paradigm, can not force another entity such as a physical penis into hardness; regardless of how much force the stick applies or how much compliance it demands. Hardness can not bring about more hardness. The interplay between the yin and yang will balance a hard penalizing emotional stick and equalize it on its scales with a flaccid soft physical penis. Therefore, the penalizing stick method clearly fails when it comes to incentivizing erections. It brings about an opposite outcome to the one desired. On the other hand, the emotional sweet carrot of self-love as it softens and settles deeper into the heart chakra is like a magic wand when it comes to encouraging erections. The emotional softness in the heart chakra directly translates into the hardening of the physical penis or Shiva Lingam. The carrot does the trick plain and simple. How sweet is that !?
The man who utilizes tantric mindfulness to deepen his awareness and learn to trust himself by integrating his ego fragments has activated and opened the line of communication between his heart and penis. The two chakras or cosmic energy centers can speak to each other using the same tongue known as the universal language of love. When one expands and relaxes the other listens and responds. The incessant chatter of the mind and the inner critic are no longer interfering in the transmission of signals between the heart and penis. The inner friction that causes static electricity subsides and the communication between the heart and the penis is fully aligned in love. The signals sent by the heart are broadcast to the penis and its unobstructed antenna responds to the transmission. Tantra removes the static electricity or the obstruction to allow for a powerful transmission. Men who no longer wish to hand their dicks to the Matrix will take their power back. They will understand that STICKS make war while Carrots make love all the more juicier and sweeter. Those who will choose carrots over sticks will return to their own divinity and Shiva consciousness and transcend the limits of egoic existence.
OM SHANTI OM!
All Mighty Tantra 